freedom. where for art thou?

I remember when i was a kid and the only thing i would worry about was playing outside with my friends, or seeing the latest showing of Dargon ball Z. there was such a freedom then, like i did not feel any pressures about school, girls, bills. Of course, we are all grown now and face many problems and difficulties everyday. But are we more free now or when we were younger? It seems as though the more we work, the more we get, the more we owe and the more we worry and struggle. why is this? every time we take a couple of steps forward, life it seems pushes us a couple more back. Where is the freedom in this? It seems lately that i only find freedom when i open a book and read or go to the gym. They are my esacpe, my escape from my 18 credit hours, worrying about bills, saving money for a new car, family issues. So is my freedom only defined in my escape? so for those couples of hours a day am i really free?
furthermore, as a Christian i was made free because Christ gave up his freedom for me and the removal of my sins. But being a Christian, even a half decent one is anything but freedom, cant do this, cant do that, cant touch her cause we are not married, i can drink this but not too much, if someone does me wrong i have to say "thank you may i have another"?. Where is the freedom in loving those that hate you? Where is the freedom in living in a world where you are most likey to get wronged by someone who looks just like you? Where is the freedom is all of this? I just got off the phone with H n R block setting up a meeting to finalize my taxes, taxes. the governments way of saying "hey i want your money bitch".
Does freedom only represent a mental state of liberty and non stress? I am finding out that the more freedom i get, the more challenging life becomes, with freedom comes more responisblilty and pressures to get things done. Life isn't just a sit down on a beach getting a tan, its the long walk home in a rainy thunderous night. This long and difficult walk is the true definition of freedom. Jesus Christ did say your walk would be difficult because mines was. Freedom is making things happen because you work hard for it, no strings attached.
Im making freedom sound so bad, i know. But i don't mean to. What is a life that is spent with just obeying orders and not being able to express yourself (one reaseon why i have dreads).

Busy Tuesdays

up at 6am, drive 45 mins to school. Why do we all push ourselves to stay up late to study and read books of people long dead? is it simply because we want more money? Because we want to go on shopping sprees whenever we have the desire? what is the real reason to want to be succesful? is it because its a song by Drake and Trey Songz? is this even the sole reason we utter the word successful? these are questions i ask myself everyday. Is greed the only reason i want to be wealthy? Is it because i saw my mom struggle all my young life because she wanted a better life for me? What about what religion says about it. Wealth and great riches fail in comparison to wisdom. i think today people want to have money just so they can gather things into their arms. But what about when we die? all of our "stuff" is going to remain here. So therefore my next question is, what is the point of wanting to be wealthy and rich and to graduate from college so we/i can live well off if we cant take any of that to the next life? is it really just to be comfy in this world? it has to be something more, something deeper. oh im in class right now, got to take some notes.
~busy tuesdays